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The great news is I'm nowhere near being clinically depressed so I can help myself with the symptoms that remain.
As hard is this is to say, I have to take as much responsibility for my mental illness as I can. That means admitting to myself that ever since I was a teenager I've had an attitude problem. I used to wear that as a badge of honour, I liked attention, whether it was good or bad.
Now I'm realizing that some of my personality traits are not as endearing to me as they once where and they aren't serving me well in my recovery.
For way to long I've held onto the "I don't give a Fuck" attitude. It kept me safe. It was like a dirty black hoodie, tattered and stained, but I wasn't replacing it with anything new.
I'd been wearing it for to long and it felt like a necessary part of my armour as a human being in a challenging world.
I've outgrown the" fuck you" attitude. It's actually unnecessary and rude. I have 2 university degrees, I don't need to keep swearing and being sarcastic everyday. That's lower vibration and I want to keep climbing mountains.
So I'm trading in the "fuck it" attitude, for the "giving a fuck" about what matters attitude. That means challenging my fears about being an artist and blazing new trails for myself. It means owning my recovery from addiction and mental health issues.
I am the master of my own destiny and I'm not letting negative core beliefs, other people or situations dissuade me from being everything I am capable of being. I look forward to this spring, doing art shows, garden design, and genuinely being a decent human being. After my separation I thought it was gonna be "Me Against the World." Now its "Me for the WORLD!"
