Mildly Hypomanic? Say What?

It's 2 am, and I'm wide awake. So to, is the cat.  He's a bit racy and vocal.  I'm not going to label him bipolar.. He's just nocturnal.

Actually, I'd rather not label myself as bipolar, but I am experiencing bipolar symptoms.  Buddhists say to be careful with "I Am" because its powerful and it manifests itself accordingly.

 I'm kind of annoyed right now, I have an early morning, and yet here I am typing away.  My mind isn't racing, but my blood is crossing through my veins bit quickly.  Even though I'm tired, I could probably run 3 k.

This is all so hard to make sense of, even medically.  I added a mood-stabilizer, thats supposed to address this issue.

To be honest, I'm glad I'm not depressed, because that was terrible.

I can't afford to stay like this either.  "Mania is the fire, and depression the ashes." I can't afford to become ashes, it's to dangerous and painful.

When I get out of my slumps, I have a pretty clear idea of what I need to work on next, in terms of self growth. I have a theory that depression and bipolar are caused by childhood and adolescent experiences, that set the stage for further problems down the line.  Patterns of behaviour are established, that literally change neuro-pathways, and cause us to continue to react to our emotions in unhealthy ways.  As a child who was extremely emotionally suppressed due to parents that where probably passing down what they had learned, its not entirely surprising.  I will definitely go more into detail on this theory in further blog posts, and possibly write a book called "The Repressed Child, A Tale of Mental Illness and Addiction."

Anyways, I need to find ways to calm my nerves, and relax for whats left of tonight.  I plan to read for awhile, and repeat positive mantras while I breathe deeply.  Sadly, I'm not great at "nurturing" myself, " I'm better at worrying about what symptoms I have according to the DSM 5, and torturing myself accordingly.

This isn't my fault, but you better believe that slowly, I'm going to do everything in my powers, to rewire these highs and lows.  I deserve a good life, and so does anyone who is willing to take an honest look at themselves in the mirror, and work towards healing.