Dealing with Depression: My Christmas Prayer for Everyone

Life never remains static.

Life is Change.

Unless your view of life

takes daily energy change into consideration,

you may become overwhelmed.

At the workplace

or at home

are many opportunities

that endanger or enhance your wellness.

You decide the outcome.

Your decision reflects

your attitude toward yourself.

As long as you are convinced

that you have the right 

to access and use

all the resources life constantly provides,

you can accept any occasion 

as an opportunity 

for 

growth.

Justin O'Brien, Ph.D.

I Love these words.  I found them in my mom's binder of uplifting sentiments, that she referenced when she was in the hospital for her stem cell transplant for Leukemia.  Even thought my Mother is gone, I'm so glad to have witnessed her bravery facing her illness.

She took a lot of suffering in stride and made the most of it, and that's what I want to do with my life.

I still experience symptoms of depression, irritability, tiredness, negativity and I tend to dwell on them and wonder if I'll relapse.  I've been staying ontop of this worrying, because I'm not in a depression so there's no point looking down the hole.  Everyday I grab onto what is good in my life and focus on those aspects.  I try to suspend worry and judgement of my moods until say 7-8 at night, when I can get a more balanced perspective.

It's not easy…I wish I could wake up symptom free.

And yet, maybe these symptoms are bearing a little gift.

They may be asking me to review my thoughts and attitudes towards myself and life in general.

Maybe these symptoms are my bodies way of telling me something important.

I am really interested in changing my attitude towards myself.  Admitting I don't know what the F*** I'm doing with my career, or whether I can be an asset for my Fiance's landscape company this summer.  That I did a B.F.A. and a B.A. and had a lot of magical thinking about how easy it would be for me to find my place in the world.  It's not easy. I haven't been able to tap into Calgary's Public Art network and continue to paint murals.  I probably make $5 an hour when I'm silversmithing or painting and I hate that.  I hate that I always assume that other people find these questions easier because the picked a more strait forward career.  I know that my gifts will eventually pay off, its a matter of perseverance and hard work to be an artist or a writer.  That's ok, but I need to adjust my expectations.

Maybe that's the same with depression.  It may take daily effort for quite awhile before healthy thinking patterns and behaviours become automatic.  Even than there's no guarantees.  But that's where faith and "one day at a time come into play."  I can wake up with mild symptoms of depression and be afraid, or I can be grateful that I'm feeling ok, and work with the energy I do have to make something beautiful out of that day.  Amen.