Is There a Magic Combination of Pills that Cures all Depression and Bipolar symptoms?

I've struggled with self worth my whole life.  I was bullied from kindergarden until grade 9.  I resorted to becoming more of a badass then everyone else.  That landed me in AA.  I started my journey of recovery 8 years ago.  I got 2 university degrees, prestigious public art commissions, my drivers license and a sweet truck.  I met my soulmate, and we have several successful small business ventures together.
I still struggle with depression.  The label of bipolar 2, has only given me a bigger stick to beat myself up with, and I feel like I can't win at times.  Having a wider range of emotions and getting stuck in depressive bouts if I stay under stress for too long has given me a label.

I went to my psychiatrist's office 2 days ago and I'm still pissed off about the appointment.

I went in after being depression free for 6 weeks. I told the doctor I still had symptoms of depression, irritability and some rumination on past episodes of depression and mild tiredness.  Basically I was feeling like 80% of my best self.  I told him I procrastinate and only make $5/ hr off my art.  I was kind of minimizing my successes.  I just graduated from art college, I'm building an impressive silversmithing studio, I actually made $900+ at a craft sale in December, and I do landscaping all summer for a good salary.  Anyways his suggestion flew in the face of everything I believe in and undermined my recovery to the point where it actually made me want to prove him wrong.

Im taking 2 antidepressants, wellbutrin and pristiq.  I take lamactal as a mood stabilizer.  Finaly because this combination of two antidepressants makes in hard to sleep, Im taking seroquel at increasingly higher doses.  Enough drugs to kill a horse as my mother might say.

He suggested I take 6 drugs to get to 100% human efficiency.  His theory is that if he contains what I would describe as mild hypomanic to non existent hypomanic symptoms as well as anxiety I will suffer with less depression.  A nice theory but highly improbable and a great recipe to end up on 5-10 drugs just to deal with all the side effects.  Than possibly if all goes well (which it never does) I can come off antidepressants.  I didn't even think I was an anxious person before our conservation.  I've been anxious  ever since though!

I have a huge resentment against psychiatry and their narrow focus on looking at their patients as a set of symptoms that somehow need correcting through harsh polypharmiceutical regimes.  Its dangerous and irresponsible, and the results may include becoming the walking dead or becoming impaired you crash your car. I understand severe cause may warrant this approach, but for me its not too cool.

There are many ways forward and his option is only one of them.  Its well documented that antidepressants cause hypomania.  Especially the combo I'm taking.  Sadly I do need to make my coping and relaxation skills second nature before I can even consider reducing my antidepressants.
Life is a journey not a destination.

My psychiatrist is one of the best bipolar specialist's in Calgary.  He did agree that we should revisit this issue in a month.  Leaving his office, I swore to myself I would do everything in my power to keep my depression at bay, one day at a time, for as many months as possible to prove I can make the 20% change I need to make instead of taking drugs.  I don't want to mask the irritability I feel about my career, I want to work on my career.  I don't want to mask my sadness about losing my Mom, as well as my sadness that I've adopted some of her less helpful traits such as self pity, resentment and being judgemental, I want to change.

So this Christmas, I'm going to give myself the gift of self acceptance, and stop looking at myself as a bipolar monster, a set of walking, breathing symptoms that needs to be medicated into normalcy.
I'm going to forgive my doctor, he's been at the front lines of an ugly war and my bipolar is pretty mild compared to what he's undoubtedly seen.  I still respect him and want to figure out the best combination of 2-3 drugs, but that will take years and adding more drugs will cause a bigger mess.

I also want to give myself the gift of recovery, and practice the principles I have written in my blog, so that I can continue the March of the Penguins.

So thank you Dr ***** you have given me one more reason to stand on my own two feet, and March Penguin, March.