Depression Relapse Prevention:10 years of personal experience...

"The female penguin marches on for 20 days without food or water in the cold Antarctic in search of the open ocean so that she can feed her chick.   The male penguins all huddle together in the harshest parts of winter without food or water, protecting their eggs and waiting for their partners return."

The lesson from my spirit animal is the importance of self regulation in terms of our energy levels in our daily lives and responding to them appropriately.  Penguins experience the low energy of their march to the sea, as well as waiting in the cold for food,  but they also enjoy the flip side, getting to the open water, having times of plenty of food and time to enjoy swimming etc.  I don't believe they get "depressed."  I believe they have adapted to their unique condition and situation.  SO must all of us who want a chance at recovery from mental illness.

Anyways, I'm writing tonight, at one of my lowest points this week.  And looking back at the last couple weeks I can see I was ignoring my bodies need for relaxation and some minor medical attention.
My jaw and back teeth hurt, I had canker sores, and acid in my stomach every morning. Wanting to prove to myself and the world I'm normal, and that I can function at a high level in our culture I self medicated, using advil for my pain and coffee to get through low energy points in the day.  I don't have dental insurance and was hoping the pain would pass…well its not, and I probably should just fork out the $500 it will cost to get a couple of teeth capped.


The problem is, while I'm not unique in my struggles, I am not and never will be normal.  For the rest of my life, one day at a time, I will have to do what I learned at a fancy treatment centre in Nanaimo and PUT MY RECOVERY FIRST.  THey told us that with addiction, "Anything we put ahead of our recovery would be the first thing we would lose."  That means for a multimillionaire, that if he puts his  company ahead of his abstinence program, that would be the first thing to go.  Or for codependants, putting another persons happiness or wellbeing first couldn't work either…That person would eventually leave, because the addict will get resentful, relapse and screw things up.

When it comes to depression the same principles are true.  While navel gazing and over analysing every symptom won't do any good, a general wellness and relapse prevention plan and some follow through are paramount to having any quality of life if your depression is serious or reoccurant.  The hope we must carry is that things can and will get better and easier over time.  No one said that was easy.

We are all individuals so how we go about these things may look slightly
different for everyone.

Remember, this is a Physical, Emotional, Mental and Spiritual disorder.

1) Routine- I've fought this one my whole life, with no success.
This means weekly planning and scheduling for all the important things in our lives.  It means getting up at a reasonable hour every day, latest 8-8:30, at least 5 days in a row so that we are in sync with our bodies natural circadian rhythms and the rest of humanity.

2)Sleep-Your brain is a wee bit broken if you have recurrent mental health issues.  Sleep is restorative and healing.  If you're not sleeping, your brain cannot process your day, and do bio chemical calibrations necessary for smooth sailing.  If you struggle with sleep, get on a regular schedule, exercise and go see your doctor for meds if necessary.

3)Nutrition, Supplements- Their is tons of info on the web about nutrition and depression.  This is a process, eating really well takes time, effort and research.  You're worth it.  Your brain will reward you with less depression.

4) Medications and treatments like RTMS…sometimes we need a kickstart to get ourselves going…the trouble is that in my experience, they do not always continue to be effective and have a ton of side effects…and little long term research...Still I believe they have their place in wellness but cannot stand alone….

5)Relaxation- This "disorder" is in your nervous system.. They used to call it "nervous exhaustion."  Makes sense to me. You "giver" to hard, your nervous system will reward you with depression so it can rest.  Pretty sucky if you ask me, because in my case I never know when an episode will end.
I'd rather take some time and try some form of relaxation daily, i.e. yoga, mediation, taking a bath, than keep getting bouts of depression.  Also mindfulness ideologies, we are not our thoughts or emotions, we are the "watcher" and can remain unattached and neutral instead of spiralling to high upward or downward.

6)Exercise- We are physical beings.  We were designed to move.  Its a great way to get endorphins going, and to move negative thoughts and energy out of our systems.  Just "walk it off" and repeat…at least 4 times a week for 30 minutes and you've got prozac beat as a depression cure.

7) Connection-You need friends or human contact.  When I was super depressed even reading blogs like Therese Borchard's Beyond Blue was a lifesaver, because I knew that other people were bravely facing their own private hell, and managing to make something beautiful out of their lives. Reaching out and offering support online to other people that struggle with depression is another great tool.
Its good to cultivate friendship's while feeling better, so you have someone who will watch a movie with you when you can't keep up a conversation.

*Whenever possible, I try to find someone to confide in, even just once daily, so that I can get it out of my head for a little while.

8)Gratitude- Telling the universe you see its positive work in your life can only bring up your vibration.  Asking the universe for help with things that are overwhelming is another great tool.  The trick is you have to do your part to improve the situation, and than stop working about it.  If your anxious mind keeps reintroducing the same problem (the loop scenario), set aside a specific time for worrying.  "Oh really mind you're troubled?  I see. Lets discuss this at 8 pm. I'm busy unlearning depressive thinking.

9) Some kind of cognitive behavioural therapy or theory being practiced daily-There are experts out there and resources online. If I listened to all the things my gremlins told me to do or think, I would be locked up, dead or utterly insane.  Just saying.

10) Making peace with grief in the past-our resentments, traumas and memories of our perceived inadequacies will only reinforce the negative feedback loop.  We need to forgive ourselves and others and see old hurts though the lens of forgiveness.

11) SELF LOVE
WE are all works in progress.
We all have unique gifts and the world is a better place because we exist to love and to share the journey of life together...
We need to nurture ourselves, remember good things about ourselves as children and honour our true essence, that is pure and joyful, under all the layers of pain…


Psalm 139:14New International Version (NIV)

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.

12) One day at a time…If you think you're gonna be depressed forever, ya  might wanna give up…Remember, we humans can handle anything, good or bad…one day at a time, sometimes during the most painful moments one minute at a time.  Hold onto hope, there is always light at the end of the tunnel.

13) Never Ever Give Up…
There will be days when your best efforts will be to stay alive and stay in bed with the covers over your head…hoping you can sleep and that the depressive thoughts will leave for awhile.
You will forget some part of your wellness plan and feel depression tugging at your shoulders…..hopefully you can stand your ground and stay well.
It may take years to figure out what works for yourself…you are worth it….life will get easier….

Remember with recovery from anything it's

Progress not perfection that counts…2 steps forward…one step backward…you will gain traction on this disorder!